FRIENDSHIP - ZOMBIE STYLE

Zombies make great friends! Okay, so they will try and bite your face off at the drop of a hat, or if it's a Tuesday, or any other day, but aside from that they have some really good friendship qualities.
This isn't true. Seriously. I know that usually in this column I look at things zombies do that make them inspirational and awesome and the type of stinky people we should try and be like, but in this case? 
They got nuthin'!!!!
​Nuthin' I tells ya!

See, here's the thing. Friendship is one of the coolest things in the world. Friends can and should become like family, and are even more important than family sometimes because you get to choose them, and you want to choose awesome people who make you feel good!
So choose wisely.
It's like Rock, Paper, Scissors but almost more important. 
But surely there are some good points about zombies and friendship? I don't know. Here, let's list the good and bad points about zombie friendship.
BAD
They will try and bite your face off and eat your brains.
They will try and eat your other friends' brains.
They have no consideration about other zombies, and will actually fight other zombies to get what they want.
They always have to be first.
They only think about themselves.
They surround themselves with other people who want to bite your face off and eat your brains.
​They make you feel nervous and worried about what they will do.
They will never give you a lift somewhere if your car has broken down.
They will lift you up and carry you to their favourite lunch spot (this sounds nice ... it isn't).

GOOD
They work together with other friends towards a common goal (which is to eat YOU! Not good!).
They are often the ones to make the first move, so you don't have to chase them down to catch up with them. They will pretty much always chase you first (So they can eat YOU! Not good!).
They are reliable. Not many surprises with old mate Tombie, I mean zombie (Yep, you see them, they try and eat YOU! Not good!).
.
Okay, so even the good things are all things that mean they want to bite your face off and eat your brains.
Here's the thing. Friendship is a two-way street, and is about give and take, and is about wanting your friends to be happy. If all you worry about in a friendship is whether your friend is going to hurt you, or eat you, or stab you in the back (literally), that isn't a friendship for you.
Choose your friends wisely. 
Choose people you want to be around and that you feel safe to be around. Not only will that make you feel better, but if there IS a zombie apocalypse, they're the type of people you want to be with.
Also, if there IS a zombie apocalypse, trust me, keep your DVDs and keep your real books. That way, when everyone else is running around all, 'Ohh, noooo, I can't watch my favourite show because the internet is dead, and I can't read because there's no electricity, and I can't sleep because someone is trying to eat me,' you'll be all, 'Well, hey, we can watch a DVD because there's still electricity, and we can read these wonderful books that don't need batteries or streaming, and we can sleep because I built a house that is zombie-proof and awesome!'
So there you go!